the newer and improved you
by Thankfulpolaroid
Summary: dr. harleen quinzel didn't ask to be patient 4479's doctor. she didn't ask for him to crash her wedding, or CHANGE her. this is ' the joker blogs ' through dr. harleen quinzel's eyes. ( harley x joker ) ( harley x guy kopski ) rated m for adult content, sexual situations, language, and triggering content. comments are welcome !


_Delicate fingers_ tap against cool metal, thoughts reeling in her mind of what could happen and what would happen. dr. quinzel, a name that should be feared by other colleagues a name that should radiate woman domination.  
dr. harleen quinzel; psychiatrist, feminist, and arrogant.

Of course, new to the field of psychiatric therapy, she shouldn't think so highly of herself, but graduating _top_ of her class, made her as cocky as can be. _AND_ the fact they gave her gotham's most notorious criminal - patient 4479, _AKA_ the joker - as her first patient, truly fed into her own narcissistic-arrogant mindset.

But thoughts dwindle as she begins her ansty mannerisms of twirling her brunette locks around her finger and stare off, _imagining_ what she would say. Sure, she had a script, but that would fade as she began to _truly_ talk with the patient, and begin developing her own diagnosis on her _most likely_ unwilling subject.

Hearing the clambering of metal against metal signified that the door to the metal clad room had been unlocked, and her face-to-face meeting with patient 4479 would come to a start. _Startled_ by the sudden noise harleen looked up, finger smoothly leaving locks of hair and pressing the record button on the asylum's camera. Joker would be the first of many patients that would start off the new psychiatric rehabilitation program. A series of videos on a patient's progress and transition through therapeutic methods, and steps in becoming ' the newer and improved you '.

harleen watched the door open, her face a mask of icy-cool professionalism. Her insides twitched and lurched at seeing the face of the man that tormented gotham months prior to their meeting. His face a scarred-clown visage that a child only had nightmares about. He walked with a hunch, his head tilting and watching her like he was a dog- and harleen could only think that he truly was - as the newspapers had said- an _animal_. The way he held himself was that of a man unhinged.

Joker watched harleen, cool dark orbs swimming with emotions. call him a loon, but she was better looking than the last brod- he watched her icy orbs, and for once couldn't read someone. He was used to instilling fear into his doctors just upon gazing into their eyes, watching their every emotion rattle behind their thick skulls, but this _dr. quinzel_ , seemed to hold herself with a mask. A mask he found himself all too willing to rip off.

" you're ah- _new_. " he said and harleen looked down shaking herself from the thought of him. She raised her brows and nodded.  
"And you're observant." she said and picked up her pen writing down a little note. Joker held back a chortle, making a face and nodding to himself in somewhat _admiration_. "Please, take a seat, officer bolton, I'll be fine, you can leave." harleen looked up to the guard at the metal door with an icy look. She gave off the feeling that she knew he was trying to _protect_ her in a way, but she could take care of herself. With a life like hers, she had to learn. Mr. bolton gave a look to the joker, who looked at him with a smirk and firm nod, as if giving her words a proud assertion of dominance. He laughed to himself as Bolton turned quickly and shut the door with a slam.  
Joker followed harleen's once orders, and found himself taking a seat in front of harleen and the camera, casting the camera a quick, and questionable look he gazed back at dr. quinzel offering that same questionable gaze.  
"I am dr. harleen quinzel, your _new_ psychiatrist here at arkham." harleen said firmly, but adding a nice polite smile. "Will you please address the camera for these sessions." it wasn't asked, it came off as an order, and joker raised a brow, amusement shining his coal-colored orbs.  
"Why would I suddenly do that now- _harleen_?" he asked, he leaned forward laying his forearms against the cold metal table and leaning forward on them, his eyes squinting in question. dr. quinzel gave a stern look, lips pursing.  
"Please, refer to me as: dr. quinzel." she said quickly, eyes becoming soft once more. Joker smirked at her and leaned back, he wanted a reaction, his hands on the table now instead of his arms and he tapped his fingers, tilting his head. "And it's for a study-"  
"Study? Is that really what's really going to define us, puddin'?" he said leaning forward quickly eyes alight in his own glee, eyes euphoric and a smile cheshire on his alabaster-painted features, his scarred smile gaining only a more eerie appearance. Harleen sighed through her mouth in irritation.  
" _Dr. quinzel."_ she quickly made to correct him. "I would like to keep things, _purely_ professional," she said with a curt nod. Joker gave a manic set of giggles and tilted his head.  
"Then refer to me, as-uh- mr. j." he said and harleen gave furrowed brows. _Should she really feed into his own psychosis_ and refer to him as a name he defines himself with, a name in which her goal is for him to _give up on_. Joker licked his lips and harleen slowly looked down to her notes, and wrote another note down. Joker peered down at the paper, but he really never did have good eyesight- he couldn't see that far and from the angle he was sitting. He looked back up at her.  
" _Alright_ , mr. j-" harleen licked her crimson lips and shook her head closing her eyes before looking back at him with her baby clues. "Please refer to the camera for these video sessions." she said a tad too darkly, joker widened his eyes, _true emotions_. There it was, something he wanted to see, a little snippet of her _true_ self. And he was living for it. Joker gave a breathless chuckle and looked to the camera tilting his head and giving a smile, yellow teeth peering through chapped red lips.  
" _Hiiiii_ ," he drawled in a nasal like voice, eyes gazing to harleen as she gave a small smile at his _now given_ corporation.  
Harleen gave a sigh through her mouth, "the prisoner suffers from manic depression, and is in a constant state of having delusions of grandeur-" harleen listed off his previous diagnoses and joker clapped his lips together loudly holding up a finger.  
"Can we use a word other than prisoner, that uh- suggests that I am being held here against my will-" he swallowed before licking his lips once more and tilting his head. "I want to be here." he said and harleen inclined her head forward giving a small tilt of her head.  
"You want to be here?" she questioned with a skeptic voice, a dry chuckle leaving her lips and she crossed her arms over her chest leaning back.  
"Roof over my head," he held up his fingers, "three square meals a day." he held up another finger, licking his lips again, "free drugs-" he winked to the camera, and then slowly his eyes went to harleen's and he flashed a wicked smile. "And lovely company-" he rasped. Harleen gave a look that suggested she was irritated eyes rolling at the lack of _respect_ he held for her. She looked down at her notepad, uncrossing her arms and lifting up her pen, writing down more notes that joker couldn't see, she suddenly stopped mid note and smiled to herself before looking up at joker with amused eyes.  
"Well, is there a method to the madness?" she asked and joker flashed her a grin eyebrows raising and he nodded pointing a finger at her.  
"I like you-" he said with a nod, tongue going over his lips. Again. Harleen sighed and shook her head. "But madness is a term, that I don't use, it suggests that I'm crazy-" his eyes darkened and a smirk fell to his features, "and I'm not- uh - crazy." he said and harleen gave a questionable look, amusement never leaving her eyes.  
"so , you believe you belong in black gate, then?" she flashed a smile at him. Joker widened his eyes and shook his head seriously.  
"No, I- i can't go there." he said with unhumorous laugh.  
"Why?" harleen asked with a laugh. "Because there's countless inmates there that you stuck on a boat and tried to kill?" harleen asked leaning forward on the table, elbows propped up on the metal and chin pressing into the palms of her hands.  
Harleen was only giving joker _more_ reason to like her. Of course she didn't know that. Joker was beginning to see that she wasn't like the other psychiatrists in this asylum. And he _liked that_. He needed some entertainment, this woman challenged him and it was exciting to see.  
Joker was quick to add his own joke to her. "No, imagine what they would do to me, I got these long uh- luscious locks, and this athletic build," he said with a knowing look. "I just don't wanna be roughed up by some men in the shower- if you know what I mean, dr quinzel?" he questioned seriously.  
Harleen gave a look, a big doe-eyed look at his words, that could have made joker split at the seams with laughter if he wasn't trying to keep this _serious_ facade up. Harleen shook her head before smiling once more.  
"So, you _are_ concerned for your safety, then?" she tilted her head a smirk on her features.  
Joker dropped his smile and leaned back in his chair tapping his fingers on the metal table _yet again_. He watched her closely. _Yes, he liked her more than the others_. She could keep a _joke_ going, and come back almost as quickly as he can. He looked down at her as if she were a child.  
"I'm concerned for theirs." he said darkly and added a smile of sacherine at the end. Harleen noticed the sudden changed and picked up her pen to write another note down. "So, these videos?" joker changed the subject as harleen wrote down notes, "Their just arkham's way for me to express my-" he held his hands together and shook them. "Inner turmoil." he growled the word, "while you evaluate my mental health-" harleen looked up and nodded at him, "well, now you gotta wonder about who watches these, and _their mental health_." he pointed at the camera as he talked. Harleen furrowed her brows and looked to camera, watching the small screen of joker playing in it before looking back at him and raising her brow. "Because I get to people. Trust me." he tapped the table with his fingers as if to add emphasis to his words.  
Harleen shook her head. " _But you dont think YOU have problems?"_ harleen asked in disbelief as he contradicted his own words. Joker brought his hands together looking down at his hands and picking at his nails, looking up at her with his dark eyes, and giving off a small pout.  
"Well, nobody's perfect." he said up at her, and harleen softened her look, looking at the ceiling of the room before looking at joker with a soft expression.  
"I'm not saying you need to become perfect-" harleen said and joker held his hands up rolling it in the air.  
"Just something different from who I am?" he asked puckering his lips and squinting his eyes at her. Harleen looked at him seriously slumping her shoulders.  
" _Who you are_ is what got you here." she said and Joker grinned excitedly, perking up and pointing at her.  
"See!," he started, "It's never a mistake to be who you are!" he gave off the interpretation that he was _happy to be here and with her._ He then pointed to the camera, eyebrow raised, "and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." he said darkly, finger shaking with _inner turmoil_.  
Harleen was beginning to realize they were running off topic- she wouldn't want dr. jeremiah arkham to see this, and think she was _just chatting_ with the patient. She nodded, beginning to reroute and find a place where they could redirect to a newer point.  
"And why are you here?" she asked again, softly, lightly as if she just wanted the most simplified reasoning he could bring himself to muster.  
"Because I'm a prisoner of war!" he said and shook his head, bringing his hands together. "I'm caught behind enemy lines, because they had to take me out of the battle," joker looked at her serious, arms moving to lay lazily in front of him, and almost as if he was reaching out to her. "But it's only temporary." he nodded and looked at her darkly, "it's a POW's duty- to escape." he whispered, biting his lip. Harleen watched him yet again in disbelief.  
"We can't progress like this." harleen muttered. Joker leaned back and and smiled sarcastically at her.  
"Sorry, puddin'" he said watching her with a wicked grin. Harleen looked at him, irritation showing in blue eyes.  
"Dr. quinzel." she said sharply and a little more aggressive than the last. He looked down to the table licking his lips and lulling his head to the side.  
"Dr. quinzel." he whispered in correction. Still luling his head from side to side as if he had grown bored. Harleen still staring at him in irritation and annoyance at his non compliance.  
"That's it."harleen snapped, "Let me be _who i am_ , as psychiatrist it is my _JOB-"_  
"Your job? Is that another word you're going to use to-" he gestured to himself and her with his pinky and thumb. "Define us?"  
Harleen gave an internal growl. She wanted to make a very clear statement, one that would start with a cuss word and END in one, but professionalism was _KEY._  
"Oh, you wanna define terms?" she said in a voice filled with attitude, a scowl on features.  
Joker raised his brows and shrugged, "Well, I'm a complicated guy, do _ **c**_ " he muttered popping the 'c' harshly in 'doc'.  
"Yes you are." harleen managed to mutter politely. "And a challenge to study." she added pointedly. Joker gave her a lopsided grin, and she scowled back at it, her eyes daring him to say it again.  
"Study?" joker asked shaking his head, and harleen sighed through her nose harshly. "Well, I'm no creature of habit." he decided to say, which caught harleen by surprise as she looked at him with raised brows.  
"Let's redirect to my previous question. _Is there a method to the madness_?" she asked again, voice becoming a tad bit more harsh than it last was.  
"Why? You wanna learn?" joker asked and smiled leaning forward once more, and pointing at her. "This could be fun-"  
"Stop." harleen quickly said, and gave him a stern look. Joker curled his finger inward back into his fist and dropped his hand, giving an over dramatic pout.  
"In your _own words_ , why are you even here? " she asked a voice that suggested she was done with their conversation. Which in actuality, harleen was _done_ , she was growing tired of this game. Though, she did make a mental note that she had gotten more out of the joker than previous therapists.  
Joker sighed and rolled his eyes looking back down at the table. "According to -" he made a disgusted face, "society,-" he opened his hands giving finger quotations " ' socially unacceptable ' things." he dropped his hands and gave a look tilting his head. Harleen gave a look, eyes narrowed and leaning back racking a hand down her face, and then back up and through her dark chestnut locks of hair.  
"In all seriousness- why are you even here?" she muttered. Joker looked at her with humor.  
"- seriously," he started and harleen looked at him with a single raised brow. Joker pressing the top of his index finger to the table. "I'm here, because-" he tapped his finger to each word he said and looked up at the camera inching himself forward until his face was directly in the camera. "I want to be here." he growled darkly, voice changing to deep and raspy.

Harleen would be lying if she said the way he said that didn't send a chill up her spine. She leaned back in her chair, and reached up pressing the off button to the camera. She had went _severely off script_. The only thing she could do right was ask the question multiple times, ' why are you here ? ' and both times she got the same answer. _Though_ , she did gain new information, that joker was indeed _protecting_ himself from being sent to _blackgate prison_.  
"We're going to have so much fun together." joker said looking at her. Harleen stared at him, her head tilting and her eyes narrowing. _Her words now_ would be off the record.  
"Listen, j." she said and leaned forward, "You're going to stop putting up a damn show." she muttered, "I have a job to do and I'm damn good at it, thank you." she hissed and chuckled to herself. Arrogance clouded her judgement, her icy facade once more finding her face.  
Joker looked at her with wide-eyed glee! He laughed. It quickly stopped as lyle bolton opened the door.  
"Times up." he muttered. And grabbed joker by his arm, hoisting him up roughly, harleen watched J with a polite smile.  
"Have a nice rest of your day, mr. j." she said in a sugary voice and all joker could do was smile at her in his own disbelief and give a nod.  
"Looking forward to seeing you again, puddin'," the door slammed shut before harleen could correct him, and she picked up her notebook and threw it at the wall. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes,  
"Calm, cool, collected." she whispered to herself. Before standing and soothing down her pencil skirt slowly moving to pick up her notebook and look to the door.


End file.
